Today I am proudly wearing the fabulous white G-Star shirt my wife bought me for Christmas and will be rocking this Friday night lezza style.

It got me thinking, does G-Star stand for Gold Star? In which case, is G-Star a coded way of saying ‘clothes for lesbians’?

For those of you who don’t know, a lesbian who has never slept with a man is what’s known in the lesbian world as “gold star”. They get VIP treatment in gay bars, discounts at the baby-making clinics and can join Gaydar Girls for free.

Not really, but they do receive a certain level of appreciation and approval from the other lezzas in society (and even more so from each other).

I can see why G-Star  (who, let’s face it, make lesbian-wear) would name their brand after these coveted creatures.

It’s not the first time a clothes brand has targeted gays. Legend has it that the clothes shop GAP was set up by two gayers and stands for ‘Gay and Proud’. I wonder if all the GAP hoodie-wearing Christians I used to hang out with on church camp knew this?

I then started thinking about all the other women’s clothes shops and who they are really for.

All Saints – Clothes for non-vegetarian lesbians? (mmm I love my leather jacket)

Urban Outfitters – Clothes for rich people who want to look like they shop in charity shops

River Island – clothes for black girls (those bright yellows and oranges do nothing for a pale pallor)

Next – Clothes for middle managers and choir singers

New Look – Clothes for fat birds and the poor

Primark – Clothes for thin birds and the poor

And yes, I shop in all the above shops (apart from Primark because I can’t handle the queues) which makes me a carnivorous, wannabe, pale, geeky, fat, impatient, poverty-stricken lesbian. Yay for me!