I experienced first class air travel for the first time the other day for the bargain price of £50.
Let’s start with the chairs. These chairs were worlds away from the cramped economy seats I was used to. Huge and luxurious, they fully reclined to a comfortable bed with a remote controlled footrest. Lovely.
After settling in our seats, Wifey and I pressed a call button on the armrest and an attendant came running with two double G&Ts. Next we were served a delightful, yet delicate meal of sushi accompanied by a Japanese cocktail and we settled back to watch the film of our choice – on a screen much bigger than any aeroplane screen I had seen before.
As the film neared its ending we each got a cup of tea but this was no ordinary cup of tea. My camomile was made with one of those Teapigs teabags with actual herbs in it – a packet of 15 teabags costs over a fiver in Tesco (oh the opulence!) and we shared a sticky toffee pudding.
There was absolutely no turbulence, we did not get any motion sickness, our ears did not pop and we didn’t even have to queue at security or customs.
So what’s the catch?
Well we didn’t actually get to travel anywhere.
The “flight” was the Lounge at Odeon Whiteleys – a new cinema concept where you get to drink alcohol and eat posh food while watching the film. You order food and drinks by pressing buttons on the armrest and the waiters dress all in black to serve you as inconspicuously as possible. It felt just like flying first class! (or how I imagine it to be).
I have decided there will be no more uncomfortable cinema seats and stale popcorn for me. Since I am unlikely to ever fly first class, and I rarely go to the cinema, I am going to have a first class cinema experience from now on.
On a separate note, if anyone knows how to blag an upgrade to first class on an actual aeroplane let me know.