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I have some really great tips, and today I am going to expose the best one to my loyal readers.

It’s such a good’un I am almost reluctant to share it, but you have been faithfully reading my blog for nine months now so I think you deserve a reward.

It all began three years ago at a Britney Spears concert at the O2 Arena. Me and my bezza had tickets! Third tier, about 100m above ground and so far back we needed strong binoculars to make out the tiny speck of the stage.

Very excited, we had donned our best Britney school girl outfits and made our way to the O2.

Woohoo we’re off to see Britney!

When we got to our seats we tried to hide our disappointment from each other as we craned our necks and jumped up and down trying to see the stage. We finally admitted to each other that our seats were shit.

Then my bezza came up with a genius plan:

“Let’s pretend we are Swedish tourists and we bought our tickets off eBay as they were advertised as bottom tier and close to the stage! Lets say we are very upset we have ended up on the top tier as we had paid £500 each for them plus air fare? Maybe someone in charge will swap them for us?”

It was definitely worth a shot. We weren’t really sure what a Swedish accent sounded like but, undeterred, we approached one of the staff.

Ja Hello ve are fvrom Sveden and ve have been mis-sold some of ze tickets on eBay, ve vere told ze vere at ze fvont but zey are at ze back! Ve are very, very upset!

We tried very hard to sound sincere but it came out a dodgy mixture of German and Russian and it was difficult not to laugh.

The girl looked at us blankly for a moment and then said,

“You are not supposed to buy tickets off eBay, it’s illegal”.

“Oh right” we said in our British accents. “Thanks anyway”.

We went and had a beer at the bar and discussed our next move. My mate wanted to give up and go back to our seats but I thought it was worth another try.

We asked at the bar who might know about swapping some tickets and were pointed in the direction of the floor manager. We approached him with our sweetest smiles.

Hi there, we have bought these tickets to see Britney but they are really crap and we are her biggest fans. Can we swap them for some better ones?

The guy shrugged, put his hand in his pocket, produced two VIP wristbands and clipped them onto our wrists. He then ushered us down to the front of the stage, past the inner circle, into the inner inner circle about 1m away from Britney herself and left us to it.

Result!

Waaaaah!

What an amazing gig that was, this is how close we were:

We had such a great evening and afterwards my mate and I ended up drinking in Soho with two men we had serenaded on the tube with the dulcet tones of:

WOMANIZER WOMANIZER WOMANIZER WOMANIZER

I ended up falling into bed at 4am which was particularly naughty seeing as it was a school night.

Even naughtier, in my drunken haze a few hours later, I persuaded my flatmate to call my work and say I would be late as I had fallen over and hit my head. I had to wear a big plaster on my head to work for the rest of the week and nobody believed my story, even though I may well have fallen over and I honestly did have a headache.

I have tried to re-create that amazing night (minus the fake head injury) at every gig I have been to since. It is harder if the gig has sold out but I have always managed to blag some kind of improvement.  Me and two mates swapped top tier Rihanna seats for standing tickets using “It’s my friend’s 30th birthday” as an excuse.

Last weekend I used my poor 12-year-old friend as a scapegoat after we could only get top level seats for lady Gaga on Saturday.

“She is terrified of heights and these high seats have given her vertigo, please can we go down a level?” I lied to the nice customer services lady.

“Gosh of course” she said and immediately gave us seats in the front block, 10 rows from the stage.

So dear readers, don’t despair when ticketmaster freezes five seconds after tickets go on sale for your favourite gig. Just buy crap seats and swap them for better ones. It never fails.

Now don’t say I never give you anything. x

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