London Fields is one of those magical places in London where three distinct types of people hang out together in perfect harmony*

Type 1: Mature, middle-class creatives

Type 2: The achingly cool / desperate wannabes (depending how jealously / scathingly you perceive them)

Type 3: The Low waged / unemployed / gang members.

Type 1s are mainly Non-Londoners from places like Harrogate, Surrey or Woking. They have children called Martha, Lottie and Oscar. They read the Guardian and support public sector workers.

Can normally be found at: Broadway Market, London Fields Lido, Hackney Empire.

This You Tube clip accurately sums up the type 2s, which I am not ashamed to admit I am in awe of. A lot of the girls are gay or bisexual, possibly because it is very fashionable, but undoubtedly so far out of my league they wouldn’t even grant me a toke of their lipstick-stained rollie.

Can normally be found at: Shoreditch house, Warehouse raves, parties I am not invited to.

Type 3s: Any tabloid depicting pictures of the London rioters. That’s them.

Can normally be found at: JD Sports, Footlocker, KFC.

I lived in and loved London Fields for a year. I liked the vibe but was always an outsider and never accepted into any of the cliques.

I am not mature or creative, I am not particularly cool. My jeans aren’t skinny enough, my leggings aren’t purple enough, my hair is a standard length and colour, my bike has more than three gears and I work 9-5 in an office, I don’t own a knife, listen to rap or smash up shop windows.

So what do all these groups have in common?

1. Bikes

Everyone who lives around London Field has a bike (Type 3 steals them off type 1 and sells them to type 2)

2. Drugs

Smack is the new black.

3. Sleep

The park is deserted at 8am, by noon it is full of sunbathers and the outdoor lido is packed

Most of the time, these three groups get along just fine.

This news story shows a time when they did not. I guess type 3 crossed paths with type 2 (this happened on my 29th birthday).

And to finish my post on London Fields, a random thought about knife crime. We hear about stabbings and shootings nearly every day in London. It is a very sad fact that certain Londoners seem intent on killing one another.

What I wonder is this; Stabbing someone must surely be quite a rare event? even if you are a hardened gang member?

You have your big, dangerous knife and you carry it with you at all times in case you need to stab somebody for disrespecting you but surely it must be quite rare to actually stab somebody?

In which case do you also use your knife for other things, such as chopping carrots?

I don’t know anyone who carries a knife and even if I did I wouldn’t dare ask them, so if you know then please do comment.

*except during the London riots where type 1 quivered in their homes, scared type 3 were going to smash their doors in while type 2 tweeted furiously about it.